I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
