Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
