This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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