It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
