Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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