Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
