I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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