i think my mom watched the whole time
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
