At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
