clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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