Buhtt sex?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
