the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
