She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
