My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
