I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
