so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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