Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
