I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
