Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
