Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
