well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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