i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
