my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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