I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no, he came in my armpit
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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