I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
