thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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