Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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