I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
