chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I need water and some morals
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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