Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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