i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
