You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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