Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
