Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
