I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
