great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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