I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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