Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
