there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
