you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
