No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
