My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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