He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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