I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
