brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
