WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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