My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
God, I missed his penis.
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