bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
