I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
