I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
