You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
