i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she told me i tasted like america
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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